SPAM

Lyon Keating:

Walk softly and carry an awesome laptop.  Or the best smart phone or tablet.  And oh let’s not forgot an internet connection that can follow you anywhere.  Have these things and you can let the world go by without noticing it.  You can create more easily and do your own thing with the technology.  Listen to the world and get swamped up in a pile of junk mail, scams, commercials, political ads, advertising, unhealthy food, lifestyles, unreasonable expectations, etc.  Basically you’ll spend your money like mad, be left with nothing, and think far less than you ever thought imaginable.   Yeah listen to the world that goes by and get lambasted with distractions that don’t mean shit.

Sitting here at my computer.  Looking out the window in my Philadelphia apartment.  Wondering why people in Philly yell at each other so much.  The funny thing is that they aren’t really yelling at each other but just talking.  When they’re yelling across the street and calling each other cocksuckers and fuck this and fuck that, it’s all just within the normal confines of a famous cheesteakian conversation.  Philadelphians are the Chinese of the United States.  Mandarin and Cantonese also sound aggressive when someone happens upon a conversation who doesn’t speak the language.  You’d think a Chinese duel was about to take place and then all of a sudden they kiss each other goodbye.  Maybe they just called each other cocksuckers in an endearing way.

The online version of being called a cocksucker in your own language is all the tiny little emails that pop up in your junk folder on a daily basis.  What is the deal?  Who is sending all these emails that don’t count for anything except trying to scam you or trying to sell you stuff you don’t need?  How must it feel to send out millions upon millions of these emails a day for your job?  The modern day telemarketer.  The modern day devil worshiper?  The modern day pain in the ass.  I despise these people.  I know that even if they get a one or two percent return, which they will because one or two percent of the population will be fooled or curious or sign up for almost anything, then they’ve made their profit.  Not a bad gig for getting paid.  I only have to trick one percent of the population?  The odds are pretty good and maybe these people are smarter than I think.  No, fuck that.  I hate these people and they define everything bad and the essence of what this story is about.

My bout with the SPAM folder took place many months ago.  I was going to go after these people with a plan and separate myself from the islands of sirens that have overtaken our world.  I systematically decided to go through every spam email and decide to unsubscribe from it and also put it on my ‘block from senders list.’  This was a huge task as I had about 900 emails to start with.  Stupidly, I decided to take it head on and go after the current 900 in my junk folder.  Why I didn’t just start from the messages I would get from this day forward I’ll never know.  I was on a mission and the instigators were right in front of me and charging off the boats and onto Normandy Beach was on my mind.

The whole process took hours but I finally completed my goal and now I should be getting less spam in the future.  However, as the days went by I noticed this was opposite from what I thought.  I was getting more spam on a daily basis and so I decided to barrel down further and get these emails as soon as they entered the junk folder.  Little did they know who they were messing with.  I can play your little spammer game you cyber parasites punks.  After about a week of vehemently being on the offensive I received ever more junk mail and my email account got hacked and my email account was now sending out spam emails to all my contacts.  What the fuck!  I was now what I hated.  The Matrix has fully taken me over and now the agents are using my body to spread their essence and convert the world to duplicate agents!  Morpheus?  Neo?  Trinity?  Save me in this version of Matrix the ‘quadruquel!’

I ended up having to change my password.  A few months later I went back to the old password and my account continued to get hacked and send out Viagra links.  Let it be known that if I ever send you a Viagra or penis-enlarging link I won’t just write, “Wow, check this out.”  It’s not me and you should know better damnit.  Anyway, how this whole process happens I’ll never know and I don’t want to know.  I learned a valuable lesson that day.  Not only is Spam one of the strongest, ever evolutionary adapting, biologically survival of the fittest entities that our world has ever come to witness, I gave it that power.  It needed me to thrive and I went after it head on and got ever so burned.  I wasted my time, my attention was compromised, and it was made worse.  It was a voluntary parasite I put into my own being.  Never again will I give it the attention that it craves.  Never again will I be fooled in thinking that I can control my own destiny in countering head on that of which is around me.  How I will control my destiny will be in how well I am at ignoring the energies that bring me to my knees and compete for my attention in a negative way.  Today, the man who is mightiest is the one who knows when it’s better to responsibly evade and disregard over the one who insistently confronts.  He is the one who doesn’t get distracted and sees past the fancy colors forced upon him and in turn creates a vision all to his own as if the world is lost in argument and expectation.

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