How to remember to put a smile on your face

Lyon Keating:

Ah, it saddens me to know you are in the state you’re in.  I wish you were doing better but hopefully someday you’ll look back at this time period in your life and realize it was when you made major shifts in order to get to a better place.  However, there’s no easy thing to say or do to make it better in the present.  Unfortunately, that’s something that’s just gonna have to click in you at some point.  Do you at least see yourself making some progress?  Are there at least moments when you do feel good?  If so, what do you think about in those moments?  Why does it make you feel better?…rrrr…

It fucking sucks the biggest dick and deepest vagina in the history of the Earth to be going through this sort of shit.  There have been times I’ve gone through similar happenings and I know the desperate feeling of thinking you have nothing in your life that really gives you that punch and meaning that you’re striving for.  Sure you have your friends and family and those are wonderful things and will distract you and lift you up, but they don’t get you through thinking about what you’ve dedicated your life to and how that is going to affect you directly.  It’s your life in the end and you want to be happy and have love and flourish in another person or a great job or whatever, and when you don’t have those things and especially after an intense relationship breakup there is nothing else you’re mind can think about.  You love people, you love to love, you love to do deeds, jobs, whatever that make you feel that love and you seem to have an absence in those things that are making you feel like total shit stuffed between a shitcake sandwhich that Ryan’s friend tried to eat for $100 and then threw up (you remember that story right?).  But yeah, there seems to be a lot of shit going on in your life that isn’t going to sort itself out in the short term and/or have easy answers.  You’re going to have to pick a direction to go in and take iddy bitty steps and then do the same thing again with other things that are bothering you.  Everything seems so daunting right now but it WILL change and the only thing you have control of is how long you’re going to make this last in the current state.

YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON.  YOUR HOT, YOUR NICE, YOU LIKE TO LAUGH, YOU’RE SMART, YOU’RE INTENSE, YOU’RE PASSIONATE, YOU’RE LOVING, YOU’RE ONE OF THE COOLEST PEOPLE I’VE EVER MET…do I really need to go on and on?  You have competitive fire within you and let this get you fired up!  Shitty situations fucking suck suck suck and everything is way easier said than done but they are also times to rebuild.  Be competitive like you are on the soccer field, like you are in political discussions, like you are in 3 out of 5 out of 5 ro-sham-bo competitions with me and use that fire in you to battle all this shit.  How are you going to re-build things in your life?  If you don’t know exactly what to do that’s totally okay.  There is nothing specific that is going to be the answer for you.  It’s going to have to be a mindset shift or a way of life adjustment, or what you surround yourself with that is going to bring you inner peace.  BREATH BREATH BREATH through it and be very repetitious with yourself of all that you’re capable of and want to do.

I think you and I are very similar in a lot of ways and can draw on many of the same things for help.  I was miserable in Guatemala and thought I was going crazy.  Last year, in my closet living days I treated a lot of people like shit, felt like I might have been passively manipulating others, and just did many things that made me very unhappy inside.  I held it in for so long and then it just burst and I knew I had to do some major life adjustments if I wanted to get to a happy place.  It’s not something that I just changed overnight.  Yeah, I flew home and it seemed like I might have gotten some extreme shit together but those were all surface things.  Everyday I’m constantly having to remind myself to not give into, treat people, and/or do the same things that led me to fucking unhappiness within me.  Depression is a crazy thing and I wouldn’t call what I have totally depressive, more like anxietal, mean, manipulated, selfish, I don’t know, it’s weird, but the end result is that I have to remind myself everyday how I want to act and what I want to be or else I will slip back into an undesirable routine.  You’ve lived your life a certain way for a long time that you’ve gotten used to.  You’re brain, heart, gut, whatever is a muscle and sensitive to time and muscle memory just like anything else in your body.  You have to allow yourself the time and repetition necessary to let change be accepted within you.  You’re body has defense mechanisms and they aren’t going to give up very easily because you’ve trained yourself for five, ten, twenty years to act and think in certain ways.  It’s like going into drug rehab and confidence has to be built up very slowly in order for your being to understand that it is capable of going about things in a different way.

Have you ever thought about coming home and regrouping?  What’s going on away from here that is keeping you away?  Why don’t you surround yourself with your base again of family and friends and chill environment and go from there?  Are you prideful of the fact that you are on your own and don’t want to come running home?  For this, you’ve already proved you could be on your own.  You did it!  You moved away and started a new life which is something 99% of the population never does.  You’ve been adventurous and have perspective that is going to make you bomb in whatever you do in the future more than most people.  However, what comes with proving you’re independent and adventurous is also being able to swallow your pride and cut your losses.  I obviously don’t really know if this is the case with you but if it is then you have nothing to worry about.  Take it from someone who grew up in a family where his siblings constantly had life adjustment periods and swallowed their pride.  My sister did it like three times where she had to move back home and my brother did it once.  If I hadn’t lived in a closet and been forced to save up money I would have had to do it more than once as well.  Even though no one ever wants to be that person I just want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with making decisions such as this.  What really sucks in the long run is when people ride out stupid situations until they become awful and then ride out awful situations until they become soul crushing thus making them almost impossible to leave and recover from.  The road to being where you want to be can become such a steeper climb that many will refuse to undertake it.

Get on a plane somewhere and move.  Go forward with something you think will lead you to progressing towards long term happiness.  Everyone in their gut knows what gives them pleasure and well being.  I think that’s what’s scary sometimes, at least for me, is to realize that what gives you the most pleasure and well being are actually very simple things.  Don’t make life any harder than it already is and attempt to focus on the simple things and go for them!  I know you’re capable of grabbing things by the reins and doing this, and it will put more of a smile on your face and do more for you than you ever thought possible.

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