An opportunity missed

Latin Johnny Depp:

Life is great, don’t u think?  My work is so fucking interesting, I have the chance to meet people, it’s interesting for me to know people and always, almost always see the same in every person, a lot of talking, specially “bullshit” I think people shouldn’t say things they don’t wanna do or they can’t do, but there are these people u know?  I tell u this cos recently I met a girl from Canada who told me something like u told me on the way to the hill of the cross, remember?  It’s not the second person but, why?  Why to give someone a hope of a trip?  I don’t understand it…

I hope u don’t get angry at me, I just hope u can understand how I feel every time this happen.  I also hope you’re doing great with your life and your girlfriend!!

Take care man!!

 

Lyon Keating:

 
First of all, a thousand apologies for not writing you over the past year or so.  I really don’t have any good excuses except for the fact that life gets busy and my Spanish was never really that good and I just sort of fell off the boat with communicating.  I also have some ill feelings towards Guatemala in general that I think sub-consciously made me not communicate with you.  Believe me, I cherish the time we had together and you taught me a lot but venturing down to Guatemala was not the best experience for me.  I didn’t really take to Spanish like I thought, I ended up having to dodge getting robbed on multiple occasions, I cracked my head open (haha remember that?), and above all else I got involved with a group of guys there who all carried around hand guns which made me very uncomfortable and like I was being initiated into a gang or something, hence why I booked it out of there pretty quickly.  I am sorry for taking this out on you but I came back from Guatemala and got my life back together and sort of pushed my experiences and the people I knew from there to the back of my mind.  It is not at all honorable to treat people in this way but it’s what I did.

I do remember what I told you that one day while walking up to the cross.  I really wanted to help you make your life situation better and I was willing to give you money and help you come over to the U.S. if you wanted to.  However, you mentioned that other people had offered you this as well and you hadn’t taken them up on it.  You had a family and kids and a life in Guatemala and was excited at the thought of going on a trip and venturing forward with the plan I offered you but ultimately you didn’t make any moves to do it which made me believe you just weren’t that interested.  I really would have helped you if you would have showed more effort as I had the money at that time of my life to do such a thing, but the opportunity passed and then I went onto helping other people throughout the world.  Quickly upon coming back I realized that my money and resources were getting spread too thin and I couldn’t help as many people as I thought I initially could.  Just on the luck of life and that you hadn’t taken me up more quickly on my offer you were somebody I wasn’t helping yet so I had to cut the offer and focus more on my own life and the people I was already helping.  I am so sorry if you were counting on this and gave you a hope that couldn’t ever be delivered, but really, you seemed content with your life in Guatemala at the time.

I would think you would get other opportunities like this other girl from Canada and others like her who are trying to help you.  My advice to you is be ready at an instant to go or accept help or really anything people offer you.  Hold people to what they say because if you let them get away from you maybe they’ll run out of money or realize they can’t help or just think you aren’t interested.

I am not with the same girlfriend (Jessica) anymore who I was with when I was seeing you everyday.  We broke up about a year ago and now I have a new girlfriend Samantha.  I am about to move to NY city or Philadelphia to go to grad school to earn a Masters in history so that I can get teaching jobs easier and possibly also teach at a community college or something.  We’ll see how that pans out.

 

Latin Johnny Depp:

You finally wrote something and I appreciate it a lot, sorry for telling you how I was feeling that day, I always try to be happy and have an smile on my face, but that day I couldn’t do it anymore, why?  I’ll tell you why. I realized that it doesn’t matter how hard I work I’m not going anywhere economically so that fucking day I got angry at myself and I couldn’t believed that I was so stupid for not having a better job, I was and I’m a bad father too for not giving my children better things u know I know the things are not necessary in this fucking life, but the fucking world messes with people’s heads, right?

Sorry for maybe making u feel bad, it was my intention that day, but it’s not my intention now, I’m not angry anymore, u were a nice student and a nice person too, my son Valentin remembers you and he’s a little taller, he’s so skinny man, he’s always running, always doing sports like me when i was a kid too.

I want to ask u for a big favor, if there is one way you could help me to go to your country, I’d pay u for every cent u could use to help me. I feel stuck in this country, as u said b4 I have a great family, I love my children with all my heart, no doubts about that, I have no longer a relationship with Paula, she doesn’t love at all, she’s always saying that she stands me because of the little ones, that’s not nice and that’s not a life, right?  She needs to be with someone she cares and loves, that’s important, I can find someone for me (which is easy, how about that?!! no problems with my “self stem!” I don’t know how u write that word), I can be without my children just for a short time, it won’t be for years, I’m thinking about their future, it’s my responsibility to give ’em one!!!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my situation and about what to do to change it, and I think I can’t do anything in this country.

I hope u aren’t angry at me and if u r, that’ll be ok, I really hope u can help me in the future and once again sorry for writing what I wrote the other day, a good thing about that was that my email made u write me back!!!

 
Lyon Keating:

 

Yes, you are right.  You did get a response from me.  I normally am a pretty good communicator but I would always get nervous writing you because it was in Spanish and it just took too much time.  I’d always say when I got a moment, like an hr or so to write, but when you keep putting things off sometimes you just forget them.  Maybe we can communicate more if we don’t write in Spanish.  I am sort of giving up on the Spanish thing here anyway, although, I’d really love to learn. It’s just freaking hard dude and it’s not in use enough where I am so it’s hard to keep at it.

Julio, life’s a bitch and don’t be too hard on yourself.  Only you know who you are but from what I’ve known of you, you aren’t a bad father.  There are so many things that are out of your control, any individuals control, and really life is more about where you happen to be born and the amount of wealth and opportunity you’re born into vs. any other element in your life and you obviously had no control over that.  I understand your plight and your concerns and your frustrations and that’s why I help people like you because I often ask myself why I am so fortunate to have been born in a good family and in a country that just so happens to have enough wealth to create more opportunity for most people in the world.  Who am vs. who are you and why do I deserve to do things that you can’t do?  Really man, it’s hard to wrap my head around and I feel a lot of guilt associated with it and I try to help people from various countries throughout the world and live a certain way to make up for that fact.  I just want to create good but my mere presence in this world makes me feel like I’m a selfish person who has so much else than others.

You are who you are and that’s what the world accepts from you.  It’s no better or less than what I am, it’s just different.  It’s much easier to say and hear these things vs. living them but how else are you going to approach life?  Are you going to be mad and negative about what you can’t control.  The world is an unfair place but it’s even more unfair and daunting if you let it take you over.  There are things in your life that you have that are purely wonderful and unique and fortunate.  Money doesn’t create that and I can say that I was always in awe at your caring and loving ways with your family as that has been something that has been somewhat absent in my life.  Keep being the good father and good person and who you are and if you aren’t then why not start?  The world isn’t getting any younger.

I am sorry Julio that I can not help you now.  I could have years back when I offered you such but now I have cut back a lot helping people abroad and am currently in a position where it’s hard for me to find work.  I am living off what little money I have too and am very close to going into thousands of dollars in debt just to live and continue to try to find a job.  I am about to move from San Francisco to New York City and have a big life change ahead of me.  I don’t know what it will entail but if it doesn’t work out I don’t know what I will do.

I have gone through this before with people I’ve helped who have asked me to bring them to the U.S.  The only thing is that I have no idea how to do that.  The U.S. has a million rules and policy’s and regulations and believe me if I knew a way to sneak you in I would and not feel bad in the last for doing that.  I hate the borders of the U.S. and I hate the lie that America lives when it says it is the land of opportunity and send us your poor and whatever else they say.  It is mostly just lies and it really is the land of more opportunity for a very small amount of people who usually already have money and then they can make more money with their already rich wealth.  It’s really disgusting.

If you can find a way here Julio then I could help you a bit but even then I couldn’t help you more than a little bit other than showing you around various places and some of the cultural norms and the financial help that I would be able to offer is next to nothing.  You know the phrase of “you can’t help others until you help yourself?”  Well I don’t find it to be true a lot because I think I can constantly help others even before I help myself.  However, with financial situations in life this seems to be true.  I can’t give you what I don’t have.

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