An introspection love dive

Lyon Keating:

The bold is my actual writing.  The normal text are passages from the article that I thought were really good and meaningful.


“The notion that relationships succeed or fail according to how we think about them may seem far-fetched. The science of relationships has tended to emphasize modifying outward behavior — which is why, according to Grayson, most couples therapy doesn’t work.”

This is a good reminder that the answer always lies within us rather than outside of us.  We can only control so much.  Control hungry behavior will kill any relationship.

“Spiritual love works on an opposite principle, he continues. Instead of the doomed attempt to “complete” ourselves through another person — the ego being chronically hungry, unworthy, unsatisfied — spiritual relationships hinge on the knowledge that each of us is already whole.
“We’re complete,” Grayson insists, joining his fingers to form a circle. “We are made from the very same energy as the rest of creation — love, as it is called in the gospels — in its myriad forms. Our essential nature is divine. In other words, we are already this wholeness, this love, that we seek outside ourselves.””

I like this a lot.  We can only truly love when when we in fact first love ourselves and what we do, are apart of, approach the world.  Sounds narcissistic but I suppose this form of narcissism is good and appropriate.  Without this a successful, powerful, loving relationship with someone else will always be very hard to accomplish…I think the idea of thinking that each of us is already whole and then venturing forth together is way better than looking for another person to make us whole or looking for someone else to complete us.  It’s like an older generations view of marriage vs. a modern one.   I think I want my wedding vows to be something of this sort:)


“”Bohm helped me understand that the reality we perceive is a tiny fraction of the universe as it really exists. At an invisible level, everything and everyone is interconnected in a most profound way, not only as human beings but as energy, mind, and matter.”
With the barriers between inner and outer, self and other, cause and effect expanded in this prismatic light, Grayson came to see all relationships as being, in large part, an “inside job.”
Our core beliefs lead to thought constellations, which lead to perceptions, give rise to emotions, and cause, domino-like, outward behavior. What’s more — and here’s where Grayson’s theory requires thinking outside the box — the behavior stemming from our own thoughts may manifest in the people around us.”

I don’t see why this is considered thinking outside the box.  Doesn’t it seem like a big duh that our behavior affects those around us in every situation?  It is the simplest way to create change in the world.


“This counterfeit path is marked by potholes most of us recognize all too easily — demanding that love be earned, trying to change another’s behavior, becoming addicted to someone’s presence, and wanting to punish the other for disappointing us.”

Yeah this just seems like bad news.  Allowing somebody to play god, jury, and executioner is always a bad thing.  You need to be more straightforward and honest than this.  Passive play and manipulation will most of the time create way more bad than good….Addiction shouldn’t be the result of a loving relationship.  Growing together and appreciating and loving each other for who we are should be the base.

“The big giveaway to ego-based love, however, is the spoiling presence of fear. “For the ego in love,” he tells me, “the greatest fear is losing the other person or losing yourself.” Terrified by the threat of loss, we often fulfill our own prophecies.”

I have this fear I’ll admit sometimes.  To put so much into something and have it fail is a hard thing to swallow.  I think as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to handle this much better and grouped things into the thought process of “well, it all is a learning process; failures moreso than successes.”  However, it is still hard to discipline your mind and not freak out at times that you’re just wasting your time.  Nobody likes to feel used or cast aside and/or like you didn’t matter or get the same energy back that you put in.  The goal needs to be a detachment from these feelings and insecurity in itself.  If you really don’t get the love or whatever you want back then you would think you could say something honest or just simply move on after numerous failed attempts.


“By turning attention away from our partners, over whom we have little control, and focusing on this inside job, we begin to make love a path of enlightenment. This is Grayson’s primary goal.”

Love is indeed one of the, if not the most, enlightening thing in the world.  It’s all within and when you interact with someone who also has it all within then a pureness of the positive human condition results.  Hard yes, but I think that’s why I like you so much.  I felt this way with you way back when and I can feel this way with you now.  It’s a feeling unlike any other and simply one of the better things life has to offer.
“Knocking down more boundaries, Grayson claims that “once we’re aware of who we really are, there’s no big difference between giving and receiving. If I’m generous and attentive, it’s because I want the best for you. This brings me joy and fulfillment rather than the drain that comes from a feeling of obligation. That’s the kind of love that empowers, without desire for payback. If I want love,” he says, “the best thing I can possibly do is extend this desire into the world as a loving thought — such as ‘may all beings live in peace’ — within my own mind.””

Obligation has always for me built massive resentment.  The moment I have to do things usually leads to me being unhappy and eventually jsut not doing them.  Mr. Steffy at the Ranch told me once, “love without want of return.”  Very wise and basically what the paragraph above says but extremely hard to do.  I try to do that a lot with you and people I’m in relationships with.  Usually my actions towards others is exactly what I desire for myself.  I can say that people in the past have used this part of me and made me a little more jaded as they either got lazy or simply didn’t pick up that everything is a two way street.  This is another reason why I know that I love you.  When we first met again I felt that I wanted you.  I wanted to give you love and of course receive it but giving love to you made me feel basically as good as did receiving it.  Granted, it’s great to receive love and I can’t say that I never have that in my mind, because I do, but that feeling of giving you love and the awesome way it made me feel has always stood out in my mind.


“”This means,” he says, “that everyone is our soul mate. We share the same last name, which is God.” In his popular tape series, “The New Physics of Love,” as well as in his book, he offers advice on how to apply this cosmic law to our everyday lives.
We start, he says, with awareness of our own minds and the development of the inner “witness,” either through formal meditation or simple self-reflection. By stepping back from our thoughts, noticing how they tumble toward feelings, trigger opinions, and cause knee-jerk reactions, we learn to interrupt this sequence, to crack the ego’s prison so that love can pass more freely between us.”

I just like this passage.  The world and our energy is our soul mate and I suppose an individual who possess a like mind and likes the energy we possess is what we call the traditional view of a soul mate.


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