Response to Introverts

Queen Amidala:

I don’t really know how you see me…or how others perceive me in this regard…I’m talking about extrovert versus introvert.  I was absolutely an introvert growing up.  Painfully shy, preferring few deep friendships to many acquaintances.  I was self conscious and in my own head all of the time. I loved reading and feared sports, or public speaking.

I’ve transformed in my life in many ways – and in that way, I believe I really do embody the Gemini…the yin and the yang…so now when I tell people that I used to be quiet and shy, they don’t believe me.  I came across this article, and it reminded me of that part of myself that exists…sometimes deep down somewhere, and sometimes on the surface.  It reminded me that I shouldn’t lose sight of that side of me, but should continue to embrace it.

Ironically, you are an extrovert (dominantly, you still very much exhibit great traits of an introvert in some ways)…and you have been stuck in introvert-landia.  With your social scene 3000 miles away, and no consistent daily outlet for your social and physical needs, you’re in great need of it.  On the contrary, I am an introvert, who spends all day, 5 days a week, being extremely social, and stepping outside of myself into the extroverted version of myself…talking and doing nonstop.  So much so that when I come home, I could care less about socializing, and I could lay on the couch for 2 hours just to re-balance.  If you think about it, this is probably playing a role in some of the challenges you’ve been feeling lately…and it must be hard for you to understand the way I need to escape, and how it’s so different from the way you need to escape.  I think we both have opportunities and should work towards more balance…but at the very least, I want to remind you that deep down we really are different types of people…and that’s great, and good, and fun, but doesn’t mean it’s always easy.

Anyway.  I hope this article gives you a little mini peek into my head.

 

Lyon Keating:

This article and your analysis was great.  I think you know how I see you but it’s funny because I’ve known you from way back so it’s probably at least a little different from what people think of you today.  I know the power of introverted thinking and acting, I’ve seen it with my dad for years and I’ve always been in admiration of his calm, his appropriate shyness, and his ability to wield power and influence over not being extroverted.  It’s an unusual thing but like this article says, it’s the most powerful thing out there if you know how to do it right.  Sort of like an extremely smart and manipulative passive aggressive person.  Passive aggression will more times than not be more useful than assertive aggression, except in obvious scenarios where you literally need to be assertive to get something accomplished.  Play things with a poker face on will always serve one better.

When we first got to know each other ten years ago, you were definitely an introvert and super shy and coming out of your shell.  Actually to tell you the truth, I probably got in the way of you really coming forth earlier because we started dating and then you starting giving all your attention to me when if I wasn’t in the picture you might have had more influence in a much bigger group of friends and been more independent.  But things happen for a reason and you weren’t to be stopped as you gained what you needed to gain in time.  You being as introverted as you were ten years ago was a problem for me as I was as extroverted as I was and an immature 19 year old among many other things.  It’s probably been a struggle for you over the years but like you said, now people look at you and can’t imagine you not being an extroverted personality and yeah you should always embrace where you came from and not forget that.  Hence why exploring your gemina side and doing art and other independent activities will always something very good for you to do.  Our world is built for an extroverted person so some balance is needed enacted by people themselves to keep things both extroverted and introverted.

Yeah I have been stuck in introvert-landia for sure ever since coming over to Philly but that was a decision I knew I wanted to make.  It’s funny, I am mostly an extrovert but I am also an introvert in many many ways.  I remember too when I was little loving to do things on my own.  The only reason I had so many friends as a little person is because eventually I would become so bored and also my drive to be physical and play sports and be competitive with others.  I needed people for that and thus spent most of my time as a kid playing sports literally like everyday, all day.  It’s funny because even my actions as an adult reflect this behaivor as well.  I do social outings with people to play sports and be competitive like disc golf, hockey, tennis, volleyball, poker, whatever, or maybe even watch sports.  I don’t really have things that I do with people that arn’t active.  Yeah I like to meet up with people for a drink or a smoke or whatever and talk deeply but drinking and being super social at bars or whatever is not exactly something that I would choose to do with myself on my own (smoking is, though).  Those things are usually always peer pressured onto me and times in my life where I’ve done those things more I’ve either had a girlfriend who was into them or just friends really wanting me to hang out.

I do have a total natural tendency to be on my own and spending too much time with anyone exhausts me.  I care about people and sometimes it just exhausts me to care about them in person because I will and when too many people and/or one person is around too much I feel overwhelmed and usually start to ignore myself, until I pop and then look like an asshole because I have to get selfish and go inward or else I’ll literally have a breakdown.  I remember feeling this way when I was little.  I didn’t want to talk to adults, I didn’t want to go to school, I didn’t really want to do anything I had to do.  My motivations for going to school were playing at school or doing sports when I was older and interacting with people through that which could lead to actually hanging out.  So much else was such a hassle and just didn’t seem worth my time.

I wanted to make a change in my life back in the summer because I knew I had been living extrovertedly for a very long time and needed to reign it back in.  I needed to spend time with myself and see what I wanted to do and what that would lead to.  This whole portion of my life is a balancing act back towards the introverted side of my life.  I have a lot of good friends that I can always have at any time if I want them.  I’m sure most of them will always be there for me but some elements of them have held me back in many ways.  I knew moving here would be very different and hard but it is paying off.  I’ve explored certain sides of me that I wouldn’t have done if I had stayed back in my other life.  I’ve developed other ways to make money and live that I’m so happy I’ve been exposed to.  I’m on the verge of finding an awesome schedule that I’ll probably have for the rest of the time that I am on the east coast that will allow me to make good money, still do some teaching, grow within another field for investment in my future, and have free time to explore friends and family wherever they are.  I couldn’t ask for anything more and I’m very very excited for this thursday to come and be gone and be in a whole other realm of my life that I’m jittery excited about…Oh and not to mention I have you.  I couldn’t even draw up a better girlfriend to have or be in love with.  You make me so happy and make me feel so good and I’ve really found something awesome in you.  I couldn’t do better that what I have with you and I hope I make you feel as good as you make me feel.  That in itself is more than what most people have and an opportunity all by itself.  So on top of having the most loving and awesome girl in my life I’m on the verge of having all those other things and I’m super stoked and happy to have made the move that I made and be where I am and where I’m going.

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