Life, passion, purpose, and struggle

Lyon Keating:

Life

My life feels like career wise there is something missing.  I have had the opportunity to go in many of the directions I have wanted to go in, in life, but now I am getting impatient.  I looked for a teaching job feverishly in the summer of 2007 right out of credential school.  I did not have any luck in SF, Oakland, or in South San Francisco; places I was willing to work.  Because of not having luck and not landing a job, I resigned to taking in the fruits of substitute teaching and living somewhat flexibly.  From 2007 to 2009 I purposely didn’t put a whole lot of effort out there to get a full time teaching job because I wanted to teach abroad, move to Latin America to do Spanish, and travel and I wanted to keep my roots loose.  I did those things and they didn’t exactly work out how I wanted them too.  Maybe they could have but I did them trying to hold onto special relationships and so I didn’t take in completely what I was doing abroad and ended up wanting to go home after spans of 2 to 4 months.  It didn’t seem like me, I was too lonely, too out of place, and wanted to be back and live within my own culture.

From 2009 to summer of 2011 I returned to SF and the life I knew.  My goal was to work on my relationship, sub at a school I liked, and see where that would lead.  It led me to teaching everyday as a sub and working full time jobs at moments in summer school and for people on maternity leave but mostly in subjects I did not really appreciate like Spanish, Chemistry, Physics, etc.  Jobs in social sciences never popped up and I became frustrated although I never really explored teaching jobs in other areas.  I was making good money as a sub and enjoying my life with my friends while living in SF but it seemed like there was something missing and/or it wasn’t going in the direction that I wanted to.

I’ve since moved to Philadelphia for a change of pace.  I knew that I would become bitter at my friends, my career, and I was tired of making ends meet by sleeping on mats on my living room floor.  Samantha was also around Philly and that seemed like a wonderful impetus for change as she is a wonderful, lovely, hot person to be involved with.  School also seemed like something I would try and related to my career so I went back to school as well in Philly at La Salle.

My relationship with Samantha is truly amazing, school with a MA in history was a total failure and NOT for me.  I like that I’m on my own in Philly, although having friends to do things with would be nice.  Airbandb took off here and I’ve figured out how to make enough money with working very little hours but being extremely organized and efficient in running my own business.  I’m looking for a bit more meaning attached to my profession.  I wouldn’t mind subbing and seeing where that leads here but that is not a possibility as the school district is not accepting applications of any kind.  Private schools are also not accepting applications of any kind.  There are very few jobs and I’ve become disgruntled with education.  I would take a job in a second but part of me thinks this might be a time to go in a different direction and let education figure itself out.  It shouldn’t be this hard to find a job I seem to think.  I’ve got to figure out other things/options that I can do based on what I’m good at.  What are those things and where is all this going?

 

Passion

I feel passionate about personal relationships that I create.  I love doing things for people and helping them and being around them and having people in my life.  I feel passionate about teaching and leading people.  I feel passionate about being organized and efficient in my life.  Recently, I have felt passionate about my confidence and abilities related to making money for myself and running my own business.  I feel passionate about having the ability to be very good with money and saving $1000 (at least $500 if things are tough) a month in order to avoid having debt and to invest in opportunities in the future and basically have money to do things that I want in my life.  I DON’T want money to be a reason (within a practical reality obviously) that I can’t do anything.  I feel passionate about not dedicating myself to a job that ties me down to one place forever.  I like to feel like I can move around if I need and want to.  I feel passionate about having jobs that allow for mobility.  Among all these things, I feel EXTREME passion for not having bullshit jobs.  I have an extreme sense of needing to have meaning in my life pertaining to what I do and bring to the world.  I have to see my job in a light that creates meaning for me and for those I bring it to.  I will not dedicate my life to the stresses of doing something I don’t see a true purpose to.  Life is too short to be ultimately stressed out all the time doing something you don’t really appreciate.  I feel passion about not sitting around.  I need to be moving and doing things.  Sitting still makes my body stiff and ache.  I feel passionate about writing and communication.  I feel passion about living a balanced life and approaching nothing in too much of an extreme.  If I go to an extreme with something I usually get prone to burn out with it and in the end don’t have or lose motivation for it.

 

Purpose

Yes, I do appreciate life and even if I am not doing exactly what I want to be doing I’ve gotten really good at in my life creating purpose for myself when professional and/or career wise I don’t feel it.  There are days where I get extremely bored or don’t want to get out of bed or feel like there is something more that is suppose to come for me but for the most part I do see a purpose in each day and I’m glad to be living it no matter what it brings.  My life could be a million times worse and I am very fortunate to be lucky enough to be living in a place in the world where a lot of basic human needs are met, where people can love one another freely, and for the most part, we are more free than other places to do what we want.  Because I am allowed to flourish in this environment I do feel that each day has a purpose, whether I create it for myself (which is mostly the case) or through opportunities that present themselves to me.

 

Struggle

How do people know what to dedicate themselves too?  I’ve dedicated myself to a lot of things that haven’t really worked out and I’m just saying it would be nice to dedicate myself to something that actually felt right.  How does one go about knowing all the job titles and what they mean in the business world?  They all seem so confusing and vague and really I can’t tell one job from the other in regards to title, description, etc.  Am I just suppose to guess at the million jobs that are out there and do each one and quit each one until I find one that fits?  I guess that is an strategy but it is extremely overwhelming and daunting to think about.  How does one go about finding jobs that include some sort of teaching in them that don’t pertain to the public or private schools?  Are there jobs like that in the business world for adults?

How can I take control of my own life in regards to what I do, like to do, am good at, and make it fit into the business world of making money and my own world of meaning?  This is what seems like the ultimate struggle and what I need help with figuring out.

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