Hipster social circle gone bad

Lyon Keating:

I sold the Nissan the other day for $200.  Yeah that’s pretty low but really that car had so much wrong with it that I think I was lucky to get $200.  I was really just done dealing with it and there was going to be a day really soon that it just wasn’t going to start and blow up and all that.  And I don’t have to worry about street cleaning anymore.  I keep waking up in the morning and freaking out because I feel I should be moving the car.  Ugghh what a headache it turned into and to think that it was running perfectly a few months ago.  Oh well, it just couldn’t last these last few months.  I hope my scooter makes it these last few months or else my life is going to get a whole lot more difficult.

As for things here, my life is in total turmoil right now.  I’m sure Beth might have enlightened you a little bit but I got burned pretty bad by Jacki.  A crazy situation occurred that involved her freaking out that I cheated on her and then having me catch her cheating on me with the person she thought earlier I had cheated on her with.  Frankly, I’m so disgusted, repulsed, distraught, angry about the whole situation that I’m having trouble controlling how angry and sad I feel at times.  It’s getting better and it will be better in time, as things always are but it just fucking sucks.  I just can’t believe how mislead I was by a crazy manipulative bitch who tried to passively aggressive form me into something I wasn’t through much of our relationship through subtle measures that were hard to see until they came pouring out in this situation.  Never again will I be duped and I’m so sensitive to corrupt power control manipulations to people right now that it’s really affecting some of my friendships as I DO NOT want anything to do with people who try to control others.  I guess I’ve just reached that point, don’t know if it will stick or not, but I’m not wasting my fucking time with people anymore.  If people are going to be idiots who cater to messing with each other’s minds just to do it and gain an edge over others then no thank you.

I know it sounds like a woe is me story and I’m not completely innocent in why this relationship went sour, I really should have nipped things in the butt and not been afraid to move away from an easy, secure situation earlier, but it just is awful.  And to add more drama to the fire I’m actually drawn to the person Jacki cheated on me with (she is a woman, and was practically passed out in a bed as Jacki took advantage of her, another thing totally fucked about this whole situation).  She was a totall innocent bystander and I don’t blame her for one second for what happened.  She’s leaving in a month or so to teach abroad and I’m just drawn to her because she’s more in line with my type of thinking and has more in common with me than Jacki and I ever really had.  Upon meeting her, it was one of those situations that just blew up in my face and said, “why arn’t you with someone like this.”  Anyway, she’s bearing the brunt of the blame for this whole thing by some of our judgmental friends which is total bullshit because it was all Jacki being freaking crazy.  Obviously, I didn’t want my time in San Francisco to end on this note but I guess it’s all for the better in the long run because I’m crafting more of what I am, what I’m into, and what I hope to fill and not fill my life with.  Oh life lessons….

Anyway, as you can see I have a lot on my plate.  Sorry for venting.  It’s all totally stupid but hard not to have it take me over.  Maybe I should just chill out on the whole women thing for a while.  I mean I do live in San Francisco with lots of hot, gay men (wink wink, actually I’m sure that would be just as complicated).  But really, maybe I should just keep to myself for this last little bit of time and just chill out and leave quietly.  Well, we’ll see.  My patience is pretty much thin with everything right now and I’m pretty much rebelling against all forms of control so I hope it eventually passes and people don’t piss me off more and likewise I don’t end up pissing everyone off.


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