The most heroic day of baseball ever! Last day of 2011 regular season

Holy Toledo!

Last day of the regular season in 2011 goes down in history as one of the greatest baseball experiences of my life.  Right up there with the A’s winning twenty games in a row, Barry Bonds amazing pursuit of 73 home runs with me so badly wanting him not to break Mark McGwire’s previous record, and the 2001 world series win (specifically game seven) by the Arizona Diamondbacks to beat the shitty Yankees.

With all my technology and DVR skills I’ve never messed up so many recordings all while trying to see four games going on at once.  I tried to tape the Cardinals game that was on ESPN at 10 while watching and taping the Phillies/Braves game that was on at 7 on the same channel and also trying to tape and watch the Boston/Orioles game on the MLB network channel.  My DVR crapped out on me like three times and I accidently pushed live twice and all said and done I missed about half of each game when I could have watched them all basically live or just simply switched back and forth between the games.  See what happens when a mans hatred takes control.  A hatred for commercials.  I will still continue to wage the war against commercialism and advertisement.  I will make my family sit in silence or god forbid talk to each other when I am an old crotchety man sticking true to my stubborn values and taping games rather than watching them live.

The Cardinals are the scariest team to me right now.  They are playing with so much confidence and are in a prime position to be the team who has the momentum that is needed moreso than talent in the tournament style playoff structure of the MLB playoffs.  This game was a breeze which started a hour after the others but ended before the others.  The Cardinals cruised to a 8 to 0 victory and that’s all that can be said on the matter.

The Phillies and sputtering Braves were playing a game which would define all the other games of the evening.  Phillies fans would like nothing else than to put the Braves out of their playoff misery for the so many years that the Braves owned the Phillies for like the 15 years from the early 90s to mid 2000s that the Braves dominated everybody like their pug bitch.  My oh my the pendulum always swings back.  9th inning comes around and the Phillies tie it off a few walks and a few hits.  The baseball gods themselves are intervening in an effect to not make a lethargic team make the playoffs.  The Braves arn’t fun to watch (other than Tim Hudson).  How have they won so much being so boring.  Not even the tomahawk chop can make them exciting this year (which by the way, is my favorite chant in sports).  The game goes extras and the Phillies are like a fat, tabby cat batting a mouse with a broken leg and making it think it will get away but then taking out another leg.  When all the limbs are gone the Braves really do think they’ll still bite your legs off but this couldn’t be further from the truth.  Hunter Pence comes up and hits a squibbler which is the hit that has ended so many big games for me and my favorite teams in the past that I had to laugh and be glad I wasn’t a Braves fan.  What frustration to know that a stupid hit like that can win a game and end your hopes of playoffs and a world series.  The swing with your eyes closed type hits should be a calculated stat.  It has more to do with winning than just about anything else.

Thank god that game is over as I don’t feel quite so overwhelmed with my DVR skills.  The Yankees game is next.  The Rays must feel stupid because they have their top pitcher pitching, all the momentum in the world, and the Yankees are pitching all their pitchers who will not make their playoff roster and are basically treating the game like it’s spring training, and in the bottom of the 8th their loosing 7 to nothing.  What a let down after all of this, however, the Rays score 6 runs in that inning and make it a game.  Surely this is a magical team and what will the 9th inning be like.  Dan the lumberjack Johnson (I used to think he looked like a lumber jack when he was on the A’s) comes up with two outs in the bottom of the 9th, down by 1.  He has one thing in mind and he pulls the next pitch into the right field corner seats to tie the game.  What?!?!?!  How did this happen?!?!  OMG as I start texting my baseball friends to see if they’re watching this.  What a crazy game.

Now to the one legged red sox who are trying to match their national league counterparts the Braves for one of the biggest chokes in history are battling the Orioles.  I have a love for the Orioles because they have cool hats and are the same colors of the Giants.  I like to wear an Orioles hat to giants games or around SF to notice how stupid Giants fans think I’m one of them without them looking a little closer.  We hang out, we laugh, we slap each others backs and then all of a sudden it’s noticed I’m wearing an Orioles hat.  Typical of Giants fans I say.  They pay more attention to their ballpark, if wireless internet is available and going home early from games, and basically anything that’s going on anywhere outside of the actual baseball environment they are apart of.  Haha, go orange and black, chirp chirp!

Red Sox!  Carl Crawford came out and said he was sorry to the fans for his poor performance this year.  What is he doing?!?!?!?  He could potentially still be the regular season and/or world series hero.  Why is he giving up.  His play certainly looked like he was.  He played like a scared child, sniffling around wondering why he just couldn’t do baseball and not to mention, how did that make his teammates feel?  Duh Crawford, do this at the END of the season.  Not when we’re still playing and haven’t lost yet you stupid numbnuts.  Way to blow team moral and make your season even worse.  Now go get that last placed team.  Crawford could have damaged his whole career in one month, one week, one game.

My favorite part of this game was in the bottom of the 9th when John Papplebon came on and got the first two outs with the red sox up by one.  The announcer couldn’t help but say how composed and intimidating Papplebon was being and just by the look in his eyes, there is no way anybody or anything is going to touch Papplebon right now.  Wow, way to make a bold prediction with two outs in the bottom of the 9th with nobody on.  Your typical jocko sports announcer making a dumb comment to fill space and time.  I wish they could come out with a mute feature for announcers during sports, however, then I wouldn’t be able to comment on this, hmmmmm.  The next guy up hits a double, then the next guy hits another double tying the game, and then the next guy hits a single/error that Carl Crawford should have caught and falls over on and can’t make the throw home.  What? OMG?!?!  Are you watching this?!?!??!  Is what I text my friends again.  Hahaha the Orioles won and are dog piling all over each other as if they arn’t the last place team for a second.  Never underestimate the power of willing others to fail when you have no chance of success.  I distinctly remember as a ten year old learning of this powerful feeling as we elimated a team from the playoffs.  Playing the spoiler is fun for all sorts of things in life as the Orioles have showed.  Do you think the Orioles had champagne in their locker room after the game?  I hope so.

Only three minutes later Even Longoria gets up and hits a line drive, Mark Mcgwire type record breaking 62nd dinger, home run that goes about 315 feet and goes over the 2 foot tall fence that is right down the left field line to win the game in extra innings.  The team is jubilant and actually would be happy if a real dog piled on their face, and Longoria doesn’t even know that Boston had lost in the three minutes of his at bat.  The fans at Tampa who stayed are going nutso, the Orioles are going nutso, I’m going complete nutso trying to text people I know to see if they are witnessing the absolute incredibleness of this baseball day.  How did all these things happen on one day?  And you know that this last day of baseball just sealed up the decision by the MLB to add another wild card team next year.

I am upset for my red sox fan friends as I know that at least two of them might have had heart attacks on this night and might have gotten in some sort of fight with either their dog, their partner, the grocery store clerk, the air, etc.  If it was my team that had lost I would be pissed and at least in a two day mourning period.  I hated Barry Bonds in 2001 and tried to hate him through the TV to have him not break the record but it was so amazing what he did and how he hit 73 home runs that after it was all said and done, I couldn’t help but salute in admiration.  That’s what today was like with all these games.  Not to mention all the throw out at home plates, hit batters, other home runs, steals, other amazing plays (there was even a crucial balk call!) that went on during the last five hours.  Every minute of it was out of control and I’ve never been so confused, yet amazed, confused again, yelling at my TV and upsetting neighbors like I have on this night.  Too bad the A’s weren’t in the thick of things.  Well good thing they’ll win the world series next year.  Now go see Moneyball and support their new era of awesomeness!

Here’s to the playoffs and baseball (although I will say I’m depressed that I’m that much closer to listening to Tim McCarver…when will Comcast come out with that Mute button)


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