Distracted Distraction

6 10 2015

Every single moment of every single day I could be doing a million different things. Let’s sit down and do some writing and focus on something. “Ding”, oh it’s my move in chess. Okay don’t make a stupid move here, my queen is a bit vulnerable, “oh fuck” I was trigger-happy and submitted my move too hastily and just opened myself to a pin. “Bong”, what, that person thinks guns have nothing to do with murders and just called me a liberal baby killer? Well, that’s ridiculous. Makes my blood boil that this is exactly the type of guy who is walking around with guns. Well clearly you’re an extremist dude. “Bong”, oh such and such posted this new article on what holds minority communities back. I need to post this to that extreme baby killer caller guy. Why isn’t my phone allowing me to post? Dammit I’ve missed my opportunity and I’m beginning to sweat. Do lots of people have this problem? Wait and now I’m being called out for destroying the constitution and being single handedly involved in eroding civil liberties by my anti-gun stance? Well this just can’t be. I need to stand up for myself! How can the world have such idiots in it? “It’s the people that do the killing not the guns.” I get it but don’t you think guns are actually one of the reasons for what gives people easy access to kill others? “No, not at all and Obama is coming to get all of us as well and its his grand plan to take all our guns away” Holy shit! This whole thing gets confusing and awkward real fast. How do you respond or interact with this without writing this person off as a crazy person who is being led by paranoia and has too close of an emotional connection with his firearm? People run wild on their theories without giving any practical credibility to what’s happening in society or listening to those who have actually lived through the most horrific environments of the problems being talked about. Men dictating over women’s health with abortion and mostly white privileged, intellectual, libertarian/republican folk dictating over the communities who suffer from gun violence that guns are not the problem? How does this make sense and not just a power play that people are pulling over others? It’s not the guns, it’s the people apparently. I guess those people/victims basically suck but perhaps you should get more guns to protect yourself. In what bizarre world does that makes any sense? How did we get to living in such a fucked up place where it’s so easy to point fingers at certain types of people and communities? Well, I guess it’s always been that way and the fight will be never ending. Good thing I’m not keeping score or else it would be racism, sexism, hatred, classism, aggression, way ahead. How do you stop this fanatical behavior and in the end I’m viewed by these very people as a fanatic as well? It’s just a bunch of fanatics vs fanatics although certain fanatics yield guns and tell others what to do while other fanatics want to be apart of the community and come up with solutions together for lasting change. I’ll take the latter and not pay homage to my violent gun god to lead me through the problems in life.

So what was I doing? Oh yeah, trying to write but wait, I have a few videos I want to watch regarding how I want to go about getting politically involved? Ah I didn’t read today. I’m never going to learn about all the teacher plants and psychedelic healing to the point where I’m a consulted person or any sort of expert. There are so many different types of plants and how do I find time to go about experiencing them all? Maybe I can grow them but that would take a greenhouse and money. Put it on the list. Wait, how long have some of these things actually been on this list? Am I really going to buy that computer program and start making music? Maybe the keyboard is more realistic but I’ve been saying that for about a year as well! What about that podcast I’ve always wanted to start? That would be a lot of fun and perhaps be the next stop that would lead to a lot of interesting discussions. Would I be called a liberal baby killer? Hmm how would I handle that? Do I have the calmness needed for re-directing people’s ignorance and aggression or do I just meet aggression with confrontation because I value standing up to the powerful that constantly oppresses others? That might not be the best scenario for an interview but maybe it would be. “Ding”, oh it’s my move again and yep I lost my queen. How do I go about wiggling myself out of this one? Oh the baseball playoffs are starting. How do I go about watching them with anyone? I haven’t watched any games all year. I’ve spent a lot of my life playing and watching baseball. Do I really need to be doing it more? It sort of annoys me. The commercials are leaving their imprint on my brain ever so slowly. The advertisers inevitably always win. Why do I think watching baseball makes me stupider? It’s like drinking alone. Wait, what’s this awesome new recipe for an anti-inflammation diet that is vegan? Wow, what cool info. I need to post this to my web-site and my facebook page. This would be good for people to know but wait what was I doing? Oh yeah I’m so pissed I haven’t taken the steps to have some music influence in my life. Why has this sat on my list for so long? “Dong”, oh fuck that man, did you listen to anything I posted on gun control? Wait, why is this guy now posting on my page and spouting his “guns are the answer bullshit?” Well let’s see what other people are posting? What? My friend really thinks that people are the problems too and guns have no role in gun deaths? Fuck, what’s happening to the world? How do I know these people? I need music! Maybe I can open a tab and look on craigslist for buying a keyboard. I need some brain expansion in a world that seems to be obsessed with the opposite and business as usual and aggression and violence.

Maybe I’ll go to yoga but I haven’t written anything yet. What have I been doing for the last 45 minutes? Shit my inbox is piling up and I have all these unanswered text messages to get to. I’m failing at getting anything accomplished. Stop looking at my phone! It’s a never ending vortex. A black hole of distraction. A coma of the mind. How do I go about being in control and deciding what is important to do when there are a million options with every moment? Shut off the rest of the world? That doesn’t seem uplifting? Shut off the online/phone world? That sounds a bit better. Is facebook discussions a good use of time? Am I improving my brain by playing chess or is it just a stupid game? Is there a certain communication that is useless to do unless there is a certain type of connection reached among humans? Does the social networking world not meet this minimum standard and are we really all mostly talking to ourselves in this context? Are we just satisfying our brains need to express itself and just emotional whims and brain thought whims for how we feel? Should I throw it all aside and ignore all else and dive into music appreciation. How do I spread the word on Veganism? How can I most effectively use my time and involve myself in political participation? But then I have to meet up with people and go walking door to door or make phone calls? Volunteering for psychedelic healing events where I’m a spokesperson just involves having the same conversation over and over again. Is there a lesson here to be taken from the movie ‘Office Space’ that I should just go outside and work construction and swing huge hammers around and involve myself in the ever meditating action of movement, tasks, and being told what to do? Ah that would be boring eventually and I’d yearn for more but then I’d have these crazy choices to make about how to use my time most wisely. And in a world where everything seems as worthwhile and equal as everything else how does one really put forth their energy for one or two or three or four things? How do they find the time? How limiting is that and how much else are you not doing? And with the things that you are doing how is that helping others or creating a world where your positivity means something? Are we just supposed to go forth and blindly think that what we are doing means something? It is a very distracting world and what does it mean to walk away from distraction and be focused? What kind of person arises out of that?

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